After the twins it took a long time before the end of a day would come and I felt as though I survived. Now that they are more independent I feel as though most days I get there – but honestly is that really enough? Should it be? No. A life long friend said that to survive is often the first step in response to one of her friends essentially stating that it was not enough. I agree with both of them. I feel that for so long I was on that first step. I don’t know if it was fear or circumstance that kept me from taking the next step, although I believe it was a combination of both. I am finally feeling that I am ready for the next step. I want to thrive. I want to feel that I am not simply surviving my day, but enjoying it and accomplishing things throughout. I can not expect that to happen without a push from within. So a little over a month ago I push and pushed and now I feel as though I am being pulled and I am going with it and I am determined to prosper as I go along (i.e. to thrive).
I do not know if this next leg on my journey will be prosperous for my family as well as myself, but let me tell you – even though I spend most of my days lately feeling that I am either behind or on my way to being there I enjoy what I do. It is creative and fun. I have an opportunity to interact with other creative types and help showcase their hard work and sometimes dreams. I am complemented on my abilities and hardwork and I really would not have it any other way. I could be stuck in a boring endeavor and regretting having to place my children in the hands of someone else while I am there. Yes, there are never enough hours in the day to do everything that I have to but it is not only simply because I am behind but sometimes it is because I want to do more and simply ran out of time. However, I smile because I know that tomorrow I can continue where I left off.