SO, a HUGE part of my “job” (and I will get to the reason why I have quotations around the word job later- don’t you worry) is auditioning. And let me tell you, doing the audition is no problem, it’s fun. I am getting better at it (I believe) because I am getting more comfortable with the whole process. I get to immerse myself in a new character or set of characters for the first time and I really try to let myself go into their world. That is why I love narrating audio-books. Yes, I am a narrator/producer of audio-books. It has been amazing, and I am just getting started. I am getting to be creative in a way that does not involve my children, and let me tell you as a stay at home mom of nine plus years now – IT IS ABOUT TIME that I have something that is truly my own. When I say I am just getting started I mean it, I am a newbie it has only been a couple of weeks since I accepted my first contracts. So when I write “job” it is because it does not necessarily feel like ‘work’ in the traditional sense – certainly not like what my husband Duane does. He is a Journeyman Iron worker and my definition for work for him is opposite of my definition of work for myself. But I digress, auditions. Well, it is what happens AFTER I submit my audition that I am still unable to handle like a pro. The waiting, not knowing if I have not heard of anything because I simply did not get it or because they simply have not chosen yet. Everyone has their own distinctive timeline and so I wait. I just keep my phone next to me (way too much if you ask me) and wait to hear that I got it or didn’t get it. And, well when I don’t get it. There’s a pain there. Especially now that I am learning to pour myself into my auditions. I can get attached to a book quickly and where as before after reading a synopsis of a book if I got attached I would simply read or listen to the book to get my fill, now knowing that I am an arms reach away from being involved somewhat intimately with the bringing the book to life I have to wait until I find out whether or not I will be allowed to do just that. When I get the email saying that I was not chosen it sucks. I am still learning how to move on from it. But I think that the reason why it really sort of hurts when I am not chosen is because when I am – it is AMAZING! I get a feeling of accomplishment in something I did and I have not had that outside of my children in as I said before more than NINE YEARS! I feel human again, I feel like an actual adult in the real world. Now, being that I am new to this it has yet to be seen if my finished productions will actually equate into something that can help sustain my family (which although it is a goal it is not the ONLY goal, self satisfaction is high up on the list as well), we shall see – I’ll let you know in a couple of months.
Auditions, hmmm…as you can probably discern I found out tonight that I was not chosen for a book (actually a set of books) that I was really interested in being a part of. Blah! But, I can not be chosen for everything and I truly believe that if it is meant for me then it will be mine, no questions. So I am going to work hard on the productions I am currently under contract for and make them the best that they can be, and let God handle to rest.